Breakaway News Volume No. 18 Issue No. 10 October 2013

Halloween Scene

Make sure you have plenty of floss, stock up on toothpaste, and put the dentist on speed dial, because Halloween is coming. You can do your part to generate cavities and to keep your dental hygienist in business by having your supply of scary goodness delivered by Breakaway, either by the bag or lift-gate truck. Toothpaste not included.

A-Salted

They’re armed and dangerous…well, they’re armed anyway. Yes, the office staff at Breakaway has a new weapon in the fight against annoying flying insects; the Bug-A-Salt, a gun that shoots particles of salt, knocking the little pests out of the air. Astoundingly, the background check for this a-salt weapon is minimal. And what it can do for fries!

Uniformity

All our messengers will soon be appearing in uniform. If a messenger comes to your door out of uniform, call us and let us know. You’ll win a t-shirt for exposing him, and we’ll be sure to punish the messenger severely. Probably by sending him to a Miley Cyrus concert. On the other hand, that’s too harsh. We’ll just send him home to change.

Sig Capture

Breakaway will be introducing electronic signature capture in the coming year. For the time being, we’ll capture them the old fashioned way; a bear trap and a manifest.

Elevator Talk

Father talking to his son, “Because she was here first. Also, they’re going to push us to the back of the line every time you pick your nose.”

Some of the titillating conversation overheard by our couriers every day.

Change of Address

Automation is wonderful, but sometimes it leads to problems. Please be aware that we are phasing out our PO Box, so please don’t send any remittance or other correspondence  there.   Our new remittance address is:

444 W 36th St
New York, NY, 10018-6344

Please make the appropriate changes in your accounting software.

Moon Harvest

What is our favorite app to date? Phases of the Moon. Now we can tell you authoritatively that the next full moon will be on October the 18th at 5:59pm. Our celestial companion will be 388,291 km away.

Stump the Band

Last month we asked which baseball player had entered the rare 4000 runs club. Sharp-eyed customers quickly pointed out that no player has racked up 4000 runs; what we wanted to ask was who recently joined the rare 4000 hits club. Answer: Ichiro Suzuki.

T-Shirt Question

It’s a very little known neighborhood, but of course, no nabe is too great or small for us. Where is Vinegar Hill Corner? The first person to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.