Breakaway News Volume No. 21 Issue No. 1 January 2016

Happy New Year

The holidays are finally over. The year has come to a close. But that also means it’s a new beginning! We want to wish all of our customers a happy, healthy (even if slightly hung over) and prosperous New Year! As always, we’re ready to serve you in 2016 with all your delivery needs.  

Defused Enthuse 

Now that all the holidays are out of the way, what do you do to generate enthusiasm when you have none? After all, it takes a lot of energy to get geared up during the post-holiday letdown. Our answer: lots of coffee. 

Hovering Heights 

Retailers are selling them like hot cakes, people are buying them in droves, and legislation says they’re illegal in the city. It’s the hoverboard, the smaller successor to the Segway that failed to revolutionize transport. The hoverboard may deliver where the Segway failed, but first it has to become street legal (legislation on that is already pending) and second it has to not catch on fire (battery issues). Having tried one, we conclude that no one over the age of ten should be on one. 

 Drop Out, Drop In 

One item that doesn’t have to worry about catching fire is the Pataki campaign; he has officially suspending his bid for the Presidency. Not to worry however. Our former governor is safe to return to his normal stint as one of our on-demand couriers. 

Acronym Acrimony 

Some people and companies love acronyms. Often useful, some folks take it to an extreme, rendering them unhelpful. Or, as we like to say ATACU: Acronyms That Are Completely Useless. 

Warm Winter Wonder 

Thank you, El Nino, for a tropically warm, get-out-the-Hawaiian-shirt type Christmas. We always wondered what Christmas would be like in Miami, so thanks for bringing Miami to us. Oh, and thanks for also bringing all the mosquitos, gnats, and fruit flies. It was awesome, really. 

Sorting, Sortation 

We hold ourselves in high esteem for being fairly erudite and for having a modicum of loquacity for using obscure and recherché participles, parts of vocalizing and of vocabulary. So, imagine our amazement and astonishment when we were confronted with the infinitesimally miniscule chance that a word was unknown to us. “Sortation” is actually a word that we hadn’t heretofore had any truck with, but we are now forced to, as a customer uses it with great repetitiveness. Jeepers. 

Stump the Band 

Last month we asked which relative of Al Einstein’s also had a PhD. Answer: His sister, Maja Einstein, with PhDs in Romance language and literature. 

T-Shirt Question 

We in the West use the Gregorian version, but there are many other calendars. Which has the least amount of years? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.