Breakaway News Volume No. 20 Issue No. 5 May 2015

Happy Mother’s Day
She washed your clothes, changed your diapers, and kissed your boo-boos, so now, it’s your turn to show how much mom means to you. Mother’s Day arrives May 10th, so you don’t have a lot of time! Be sure to call Breakaway to get that gift to her fast, and of course, we wish all our mom customers out there the happiest of all days.

Phone-to-Face
Quote of the day during a recent online meeting at Breakaway with a remote working co-worker: “Stop looking at me!” Stupid remote viewing technology.

Hyper Couriers
If you’re ever out on the street, and realized that the package you were supposed to send is still sitting in the office, fear not! Use Breakaway’s mobile app from any smartphone to have that package picked up and never miss a beat. Visit breakawaycourier.com to download the app for iPhone and Android.

 The Race is On
  It’s official. Decision 2016 has lifted off with Hilary Clinton stumping for the Democratic        nomination, and 50,000 candidates gunning for the Republican side. It could be a crowded    race. Since it’s a race, we’re thinking of entering the Breakaway Race team.  They’ll clean up  with ease!

Ooh La La!
Très bien! Breakaway has two interns from France working in the office for a few weeks. We’ve extended them a warm bienvenue, but sadly, no wine with your deliveries.

 Wily in New York
A coyote that recently moved into Battery Park City led police on a long chase before finally being corralled and given some high quality tranquilizers. If you look closely, you can see the word “ACME” on the little handcuffs and cage the police used for him.

Un-tappable Privacy
Orwell didn’t know. Even though he wrote the police state classic, “1984” he couldn’t have foreseen one thing; that people, to a certain degree, want to share about themselves. Hence, the explosion of social media. If you truly want a secure transaction, call us up to deliver your package. We promise no one will know.

 Stump the Band
  Last month we asked what unique venue hosts the “Hell of the North” Paris-Roubaix.        Answer: the event finishes in a velodrome within the city of Roubaix. 

T-Shirt Question
Why does the Margherita pizza have the toppings it does? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 20 Issue No. 4 April 2015

April News

Breakaway Courier has been bought. A large global leader in delivery services has bought the company and has brought us into their fold. We will now only be delivering fresh fish and select cuts of meat, as per our new company’s business plan. Oh, and April Fools!! You can, of course, still call us with whatever delivery you have. We just couldn’t resist.

April Holidays

This April, Passover starts on the evening of April 3rd, while Easter falls on April 5th. We want to wish a Happy Passover and Happy Easter to all our clients observing these important holidays.

Tax Man Cometh

We urged you to get it done early last month, but if you haven’t, remember that the tax deadline is April 15 - and that’s not too far away! Call your accountant, get your papers together, and call Breakaway to have us deliver them all on time!

 For Safety’s Sake

The news that San Francisco 49er Chris Borland is leaving the NFL at the age of 24 has jolted many in the football world. His concerns over chronic traumatic encephalopathy eventually convinced him to do the right thing and start working for Breakaway. He has opted for the cargo bicycle, as our other former NFL stars have, because it’s more challenging to his strength and size. Good luck out there, Chris!

Order! Order! 

Aside from online bill paying, you can also order your delivery online. It’s fast, easy, and gives you another excuse to sit in front of the computer, other than playing Minecraft. Give it a try. Our messengers are more appealing than online Legos, anyway.

Home on the Range

Tesla’s Elon Musk has said that all Tesla Model S electric cars will receive an over-the-air software update to alleviate “range anxiety.” First, you had cell range anxiety, now it’s your car. Of course, our messengers have unlimited range. So long as there’s a Chipotle or pizza joint nearby, they can keep going and going and going…

Stump the Band

 Last month we asked the name of the woman who ran a speakeasy on West 54 Street and was among the first female emcees. Answer: Mary Louise Cecilia “Texas” Guinan.

 T-Shirt Question

 Called the “Queen of the Classics” and the “Hell of the North,” Paris-Roubaix is a monument in the cycling calendar. In what unique venue does this hellish race end? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 20 Issue No. 3 March 2015

Savage February 

This February saw a lot of weather records broken. Some seriously cold temperatures were recorded in the Northeast, and there was heck of a lot of snowfall as well. And, while the Snowpocalypse didn’t engulf New York City, Boston got socked hard. So, where is global warming? Last we saw, it was hanging out in Macy’s buying a winter coat. 

Mad Mad World 

It’s time for March Madness, that time of year when many people across the country lose their minds and stare at screens and monitors, avidly following the exploits of college hoopsters. We will also, but we’ll also be keeping an eye on the delivery monitors, because madness or not, we’ve got deliveries to do! 

Friendly Reminder 

It isn’t here yet, but it’s not too far away. Alas, no, not the electric car. We’re talking about April 15th, the tax deadline. Remember to get your taxes done early, and to use Breakaway to send them in to the IRS. Don’t say we didn’t remind you! 

On Demand 

It’s not often thought of, because we’re a courier company, and people think messengers are only for point-to-point. But, our guys do more than just deliver. Hire one for the day, and they’ll file, walk the dog, alphabetize your album collection, whatever you need a guy/gal Friday for. 

Not Logical 

Farewell to a beloved figure of our youth, Leonard Nimoy. The man who made logic cool and was probably responsible for more sprained fingers than anyone (we hurt ourselves trying that Vulcan salute!). Live long and prosper, Mr. Spock.

HTTP plus S: 

As readers of the Newsletter know, we occasionally tout the benefits of paying your invoice online. You can do it at all hours of the day, any day, and it’s very convenient. When you click “Log In” you’ll be taken to the httpS server. The “S” is for secure, safe, sanctuary, secretive, salubrious, satisfying…we could go on but you get the idea. 

 Socially Acceptable 

There’s a lot of talk going around about socialized medicine, but honestly, we here think most people don’t know what that really means. “Socialized” medicine is medicine that spreads the risk out over a vast population. The only people that don’t need to think about risk are folks without a pulse.  

Stump the Band 

Last month we asked what art form Langston Hughes was an early exponent of as well as an innovator. Answer: Langston Hughes was a leading writer of what is known as jazz poetry.

T-Shirt Question 

Among the first ever female emcees, who ran a speakeasy on west 54th in Manhattan and often addressed customers as “suckers?” The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 20 Issue No. 2 February 2015

Happy Valentine’s Day!

It’s in the air…can you smell it? No, not the falafel from the Halal Guys’ food cart. It’s love we’re talking about, because it’s February and that means St. Valentine’s Day. If you’re a late Lothario or a recalcitrant Romeo, don’t worry. You can have your hastily bought chocolates sent via Breakaway Courier.

Online Bill Pay

 It’s the middle of the night, and you’re up late, unable to sleep. Don’t waste that time doing meaningless YouTube searches. Head over to our https server and pay your bill online. Day or night, you can take care of your invoice electronically and conveniently, and then go back to looking up cat videos. We know, we love them too.

Retrograde World

Peggy, our office maven and newsletter polisher, tells us that this month Mercury is in retrograde. Astrologically, this means that communications are messed up and messages go awry. Rest assured that even if that e-mail disappears into digital ether and the letter vanishes in the post, our couriers never get lost, go retrograde, or go astrologically wonky.

  Super Bowl

Congratulations to our Boston office and all the denizens of New England, for the Patriots’ fourth Super Bowl win.  A great game by all accounts, with nary a thought of those flexible footballs.  Hopefully our friends up in Boston can get all that snow cleared away in time for a victory parade!

Blaz Blizzard Blues 

Well, the big blizzard of January came and went, and we’re underwhelmed. Starting out with the potential to be   “one of the biggest in history,” the storm turned out to be a big flop. With such dire predictions, our mayor was all but forced to hit the panic button. What do you call a de Blasio blizzard? A dusting.  What do you call a de Blasio coffee? Water. We’ve got a million of ‘em. 

 Man, That’s Cold

If you have a large order going out that’s perishable, fret no more. You can send it via our new refrigerated truck. It’s bigger, better and roomier,  has a lift-gate, and it has delivered 250 lbs. rolls of the finest French cheese from only the finest French cows. C’est magnifique! 

Stump the Band 

Last month, we wanted to know who opened the GPS system to civilian use. Answer: Ronald Reagan, by executive order. 

T-Shirt Question 

February 1st is the birthday of Langston Hughes. Of what art form was Hughes an early exponent we well as innovator of? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 20 Issue No. 1 January 2015

Happy New Year!
A very Happy New Year to all of our customers! We hope that everybody out there had a safe and cheerful New Year’s Eve, and that everyone kept the drunken brawling to a minimum. We at Breakaway celebrated the way we always do; by figuring out new routes for deliveries and riding on the rollers. We know, we know, we’re wild and crazy.

 A Day for a King
This January 19th is Martin Luther King Jr. Day, a day reserved not only to acknowledge the accomplishments of the civil rights leader, but also a national day of civic action and volunteer service.

 Electric Boogie
They still haven’t quite caught on yet, but electric cars have come a long way since the days of GM’s EV-1. Tesla Motors has now unveiled a real advancement for the technology; the Model S sedan can now do 0-60 in under 4.5 seconds, faster than a Porsche 911 Carrera. Stick that in your exhaust pipe! 

Non-Digital
Texting has become an essential part of communicating in the modern era, but of course, it requires the use of both our hands, which can be a pain in the rear. We decided to see if we could solve the problem by texting with our nose. Needs work. Same for using our toes.
 

Expanding Fleet
While they aren’t the Tesla Model S, we did take possession recently of two sleek new vehicles that came all the way from Denmark. They are our new cargo bicycles, and we’ve already given them a shakedown run and are putting them to work. Now you can ship all of twenty of those throw pillows without fear.

Online Divine
We know that many of you out there are Luddites, and just won’t give up your typewriters and rotary phones no matter what. Be that as it may, we urge you to try electronic invoicing. It saves paper, which saves trees, and makes you feel warm and fuzzy. And, if you’re worried about losing the newsletter, fear not; it’s posted right there on our website.

A Touch Late
Orwell predicted that in 1984 we’d all be living in a state where all of our movements, actions, and whereabouts were monitored. What he didn’t predict is how much we’d all enjoy it and come to rely on it. 2015 is the year of ubiquitous GPS, and now you too can play the part of Big Brother by tracking the progress of your package online. Hey, it beats playing Minesweeper. 

Stump the Band
Last month, we asked where long period comets originate from. Answer: Long period comets come from the Oort Cloud.

T-Shirt Question
Originally for military use, who opened up GPS to civilians as a common good? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 19 Issue No. 12 December 2014

Xmas Cheer

Happy Holidays to all of our customers! During this time of holiday cheer, take a moment to remember all those out there, especially our messengers, who are freezing their tails off! Even so, they’re all happy to spread the spirit of the season, so please offer them some warm egg nog or something.

Spreading Cheer

 We know how much you like to shop for family during the holidays. If you have more than 10 deliveries to make, consider sending us a spreadsheet. You can find the template on our website at www.breakawaycourier.com/bulk-deliveries. That way, you can save time, and don’t have to repeat your order if you’re interrupted on the phone.

Tabling  

A lot of stories at Breakaway don’t get used, and so we wind up tabling a lot of them. Resultantly, we have a pile of stories on the table, and what we’ve decided is that we need a bigger table. So come and read our table. There’s great stuff on it.

 Not Brain Food

 When writing, or involved in any mental effort, the brain needs glucose in order to process and organize information. There are right and wrong ways to go about this, and for this newsletter, we ordered a black and white cookie, which is the totally wrong way of going about this! We can feel the sugar-induced ADHD kicking in right now!

Heroics

 Here at Breakaway, there occasionally is a story of incredible originality, perspicacity, and gumption in the delivery of packages for our customers. We had a great story ready to go for this newsletter, but we forgot what it was, what with all the phone calls and taking orders, and fielding questions and stuff. You’ll just have to imagine what it was but take our word for it, it was incredible.

Major Tom-foolery

 As you may have heard, the robotic lander Philae landed successfully on comet 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko, a stunning accomplishment. What you may not know, is that we delivered it, on time, and complete with POD. What the European Space Agency doesn’t know is that we’re charging them extra for the oversize nature of the delivery. Weightless my foot.

Stump the Band

 Last month, we asked who the first female general officer in the U.S. Army was Answer: Anna Mae Hays.

 T-Shirt Question

 From where do long period comets originate? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 19 Issue No. 11 November 2014

Thank You Much

Happy Thanksgiving to all of our customers! We especially want to give heartfelt expressions of gratitude to everyone for having made the more than 25 years in the courier business fun, challenging, and one heck of a ride. So, give yourself another heaping serving of stuffing, and remember to give the messenger some cranberry sauce or a drumstick when you see him.

Remembering Vets

November 11th is Veterans’ Day, and given the number of crises our armed forces have responded to in the last 20 or so years, they definitely deserve to be remembered. Breakaway honors all those who fight for our country.

Same Day Hooray 

One of the new catch phrases you here a lot now is “same-day delivery.” Sounds great, and we’re glad everyone is catching on to it, but we’re not that impressed. We’ve been at it for almost 30 years.

 Hiring Bias

We hire a lot of people from many walks of life, as well as other species, but we want to reassure all our customers: we do not hire turtles. You’re welcome.

 Ramping Up Early

It’s only barely November, but already we can see signs of the impending holiday season. People are starting to ramp up their orders in anticipation of holiday madness, when all semblance of sanity goes up in a credit card-fueled puff of smoke. This holiday season, be sure to put orders in early, and with some thought to the craziness that will be the city streets. You’ve been warned.

Color Scheme

 The fall foliage is changing the color of the trees, so we decided to change our colors too. The walls at Breakaway HQ have been painted, to a color we’ve always used: a combination of blue and purple we like to call Breakaway Blurple. We especially like how it vibrates against the gray.

Say the Way to Pay

 Does your crazy neighbor keep stealing your mail, depriving you of our invoice and the newsletter? Well, fear not! You can have the invoice delivered to you electronically as a PDF. You can also pay your bill online, 24-7, with any major credit card. And you can read the newsletter on our website at www.breakawaycourier.com/news-and-blog/. The modern world is good for some things.

Stump the Band

Last month, we asked who the former owner of the High Line Park was. Answer: New York Central Railroad.

 T-Shirt Question

Who was the first woman to ever become a general officer in the US Army? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.

Breakaway News Volume No. 19 Issue No. 10 October 2014

All Hallows 

It’s that time of year, when ghastly pint-sized ghouls and goblins come knocking at your door, looking for some scary, tasty morsels to rot their teeth. That means, of course, that you’ll need lots of sweets on hand! We wish all of our customers a safe and happy Halloween, and remember; we can deliver your bags of sugar rush right to your door.

Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah 

With the recent talk of an aerial gondola connecting Brooklyn and Manhattan, we got to thinking:  maybe getting from place to place via skyway is not such a fanciful idea.  What about ziplines between buildings?  You could start out in midtown and zip your way from the Empire State Building right on down to Wall Street faster than a Breakaway messenger!

    High Life Line 

Breakaway customer Friends of the High Line, and the rest of the city, have reason to celebrate: the third, and final, phase of the High Line is complete! The High Line elevated park’s northern terminus is now at 34th street, across the street from the Javits Center. It’s also the only non-elevated entry into the park. It’s great for us; our offices are right near there. Join us there for lunch?

 T-Shirt Hunt

 Breakaway couriers are required to wear our logoed t-shirts, jackets and other gear, but occasionally we catch one or two of them out of uniform. If you spot one of our couriers with Breakaway gear, give us a call. If the messenger was indeed out of uniform, you’ll win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt of your own!

Leaf Peeping

 The air is turning crisper and cooler, and that means that fall has arrived. It also means that trees all throughout the northeast are going to start the landscape into a canvas of fiery colors. Get out there and ogle the falling leaves. We fully intend to.

 Logical Logistics 

Recently, our logistics and trucking department helped many customers through their Fashion Week challenges.  For example: six customers needed help with setting up at the Javits Center over one weekend, and we had six vans waiting there for them to provide all the logistical support needed for them to have successful showings. Call our logistics department and find out what we can make easy for you? 

 Stump the Band 

Last month, we asked what the biblical names of Rosh Hashanah are. Answer: Day of Remembrance or the Day of the Sounding of the Shofar (Ram’s Horn).

 T-Shirt Question 

Today it’s a beautiful park but what entity was the former owner of what is now the High Line Park? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt. 

Breakaway News Volume No. 19 Issue No. 9 September 2014

Labor of Love

 As we mentioned last newsletter, Labor Day came early this year, so we hope you all enjoyed the last long weekend of summer.  We especially want to wish a belated happy Labor Day to a very special group: our couriers. They labor all day long, cruising the mean streets, making sure your order gets there on time.

 Happy New Year

 "Shanah Tovah" to all our friends and customers who will be celebrating Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year.  This year, Rosh Hashanah starts of the evening of September 24th and ends on the evening of September 26th , late in the month, but just in time for a needed break from school.

 Summer Bummer 

Of course, the early Labor Day heralds the return of the little ones to school, much to the chagrin of children the country over, as well as to the delight of their parents. Did you remember to get all of the requisite back to school items? If not, don’t forget, that Breakaway can pick up everything the tykes possibly need, from pencils to desks. The only thing we cannot pick up for them is the desire to go back to school.

Fee Fi Fo Future 

Communications and technology continue to evolve as we inexorably move into the future. Part of that innovation is Wi-Fi. Not to be confused with HiFi. Or Sci Fi. And definitely not with Muay Thai. And definitely not Defy. Okay … what
 were we just talking about?

  Night and Day

The autumnal equinox – the official start of fall – arrives on Monday, September 22 at 10:29 PM EDT. Enjoy the daylight while it lasts.
 

Not Fashionably Late 

Another huge event in September, aside from back to school, is, of course, Fashion Week. This month, the city’s well heeled and the fashionably appointed will be either gawking at the runway or strutting their stuff on it. While some in these rarified circles may run fashionably late, our couriers won’t, and never will. They’re all fashionably on time.
 

 Calling All Salesmen

Congratulations to our sales team, Larry Choiniere and Jimmy Kaplow on their new glass office space. Now they too can experience all the joys that goldfish do! Please, call them in the glass room for sales referrals at 646-674-8326. Or, call them just to say hello. They love to talk. 

Stump the Band

Last month, we asked what creature has the highest metabolism of any homeothermic animal. Answer: the hummingbird.
 

 T-Shirt Question

 It’s called Rosh Hashanah today, but what are the true biblical names of the holiday of the Jewish New Year? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt. Hint: There are two different names.

Breakaway News Volume No. 19 Issue No. 8 August 2014

Labor’s Lost

 Yeah, we know, it’s August. It’s officially the last month of summer, and the time to get in that beach tan is getting short. It’s actually shorter than it oughta be; Labor Day is coming right on September 1st, which is way early. Speaking for summer lovers everywhere, we object! We’re convinced that it’s a conspiracy! The man is trying to make us work more! We’re going to write our congressman about this, be sure!

 Tour de Force

 Congratulations to Vincenzo Nibali for winning this year’s Tour de France. It was a good Tour this year, albeit a bit boring. More congratulations go to Germany for their win in the World Cup. There was also a tennis match happening somewhere in England we think, but with the Tour and World Cup on, nobody really knows who won that.

   Veteran

 This month, we’re taking the time to recognize a true Breakaway stalwart, Guillermo Arroyave. Guillermo is more than just an employee, he’s Breakaway’s secret weapon. Since 1996, Guillermo has been keeping the office clean and neat and running. He’s done tons of thankless jobs here in our digs, and he’s done it all with a smile. So, thanks, Guillermo!

Job Openings

 Well, our stable of disgraced pols and public figures keeps growing. News reports about Cuomo abruptly shutting down an anti-corruption committee hints at the possibility of the Governor leaving office in disgrace. Well, he’s welcome to fill out an application here at Breakaway. We have Spitzer’s rusty old bicycle to use, if he needs.

What Size?

 Breakaway started life as a bicycle courier company. That’s still the heart and soul of the company, but, in the years since, we’ve also grown a fleet of vehicles, to handle the loads that would flatten a cyclist if he picked it up. So, choose your delivery method:  we have fleet-footed walkers, cargo bikes, cars, vans, box trucks, even large lift-gates and refrigerated vehicles. No job too big, nor too small.

App Flap

It’s out there. Waiting. No, not the car from Dial 7. It’s the Breakaway app, which you can download from our website, or by searching for hyperSHIP on Google Play, or in the App Store. The app enables you to order deliveries and track packages from anywhere using your smart phone. So, what are you waiting for? The Breakaway app is calling you.

Stump the Band

 Last month, we asked what creatures are variously known as half-lop, lop, or uppy-eared. Answer: rabbits. They terms refer to whether the rabbit in question has both ears up, down, or one up and one down.

 T-Shirt Question

What creature has the highest metabolism of any homeothermic animal? The first one to call Gil Ortiz with the correct answer will win a coveted Breakaway T-shirt.